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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25349944">Catch Me, I'm Falling</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaltysaltines/pseuds/unsaltysaltines'>unsaltysaltines</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wynonna Earp (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Someone give her a hug, poor waverly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:08:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25349944</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaltysaltines/pseuds/unsaltysaltines</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The lines between fiction and reality are blurry, and Waverly doesn't know who she can turn to for help.</p>
<p>OR,</p>
<p>As Waverly's S4 promo poster says…</p>
<p>…whatever happens next, <b>DON'T LOSE YOURSELF.</b></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Waverly Earp &amp; Nicole Haught</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Catch Me, I'm Falling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Why? I don't know.</p>
<p>(I do know,<a href="https://twitter.com/deputyydipshit">Deputyydipshit</a> gave me the idea for this one.)</p>
<p>Title and lyrics taken from the<br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/3QNUjiYF2LvyMtTvfMXArL?si=ygaAL02mS3e0ry1RZUDldQ">song of the same name</a>, as well as the <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/5zB8WiKRWTDmPiAawnPr8z?si=AwUfdkUyTtej1SbnoqJH6Q">reprise</a> from the musical Next To Normal.</p>
<p>Enjoy?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>***<br/>Catch <em> me, I'm falling<br/>Catch me, I'm falling<br/></em> <em>Faster than anyone should</em><br/><em>Catch me, I'm falling</em><br/><em>Please hear me calling</em><br/><em>Catch me, I'm falling for good</em></p>
<p>***<br/><br/></p>
<p>“This isn’t real.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I—<em> Waverly! </em>” Wynonna yelps as her sister produces a knife from god knows where. “Waverly, what the hell?!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can’t do this…I can’t do this,” Waverly mumbles as she backs away from Wynonna and fumbles for the front door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She can’t breathe. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She needs air. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why can’t she <em> wake up? </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Heart pounding in her ears, Waverly stumbles out the front door of the homestead and makes a break for the barn. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wynonna watches as her sister slams the barn door behind her, dumbfounded. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Where the hell did that knife come from? </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Waverly doesn’t come back into the house all night, and Wynonna doesn’t get a wink of sleep in the meantime.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There’s been something…off about Waverly ever since she came back. Every time Wynonna tries to touch her, she jumps about a mile like some kind of skittish street cat. She barely talks at all anymore, never mind initiate any sort of conversation. Wynonna sees the way her eyes dart all around the room whenever they have a minute alone together, almost like she’s constantly searching for the quickest way to make a break for it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wynonna can only hope she snaps out of it eventually, that it’s only a temporary byproduct of what she’s gone through. Frankly, they’re lucky to have Nicole on their side, because this is the kind of shit that—and Wynonna knows from experience—could very easily land her in a whole mess of trouble.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Nicole. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usually Nicole is a light sleeper, so the vibration of an unexpected text message beneath her pillow is enough to snap her awake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Waverly’s acting weird again. This time was worse—she pulled out a knife??? </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nicole sits bolt upright in bed at the troubling revelation. Wynonna texts again and tells her not to come over, that she doesn’t want to spook Waverly even worse, but Nicole gets up anyway. She’s not going back to sleep after reading those messages.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She and Wynonna have been quietly comparing notes ever since they started to notice something was off about Waverly. In fact, Nicole has quite literally been jotting down notes so she can keep track—Wynonna keeps making fun of her for it, but Nicole has a lot on her plate, and she just wants to be able to help as best she can.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s…different from when she was fighting off Mictian, but Nicole can’t put her finger on what exactly it is. At least this time, Nicole can tell that she’s still <em> her </em> Waverly. She’s just…hurting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or at least that’s Nicole’s theory.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wynonna shows up at the station the next morning looking like she hasn’t slept either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Waverly?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s fine,” Wynonna says with a sigh. “I saw her go up to bed sometime around dawn. Don’t worry, Haught stuff,” she adds quickly, “I don’t think she’s, like…a danger to herself or anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t think so either,” Nicole says as she pours them both coffee. “What I <em> do </em> think is that she’s gone through something really traumatic, but underneath all that she’s still our Waverly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She may not think Waverly is a danger to herself, but that doesn’t stop Nicole from worrying about her all day, to the point where she decides to leave the station early so she can go check on her. Wynonna’s eyes widen slightly when Nicole says she’s going over, but only follows up with an offer to pick up dinner.<br/><br/></p>
<p>***<br/><em> Catch me, I'm falling<br/>Catch me, I'm falling<br/></em> <em> Flying head first into fate<br/></em> <em> Catch me, I'm falling<br/></em> <em> Please hear me calling<br/></em> <em> Catch me before it's too late<br/>Catch me before it's too late<br/>Catch me before it's too late<br/></em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p><br/>The barn door is ajar when Nicole pulls up to the homestead, but she bypasses it in favour of unlocking the front door and seeing if she’s in the house. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She’s not sure what she was expecting, but as Nicole turns her key in the lock and opens the front door she knows that she <em> wasn’t </em> prepared to be greeted by the barrel of a shotgun in her face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why are you here?!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nicole slowly raises both hands in an indication that she means no harm. “Waves, I—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re not supposed to be here! <em> You can’t set foot on Earp land! </em>”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Waverly, <em> please! </em>”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As if her girlfriend pointing a shotgun in her face weren’t enough of a sign that something’s wrong, Nicole can see the entire barrel of the gun quivering. Where she stands, Waverly’s face is ghostly white, and there are tears cascading down her cheeks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She’s never looked so scared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Waverly, I’m not a revenant,” Nicole says quietly, trying to keep the fear out of her own voice. “I’m not here to hurt you, Waves.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do I know?” Waverly jabs the shotgun at Nicole again for emphasis. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Baby, put the gun down and we can talk. Look, I’ll do it too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To prove she’s serious, Nicole unclips the holster at her waist and takes out her standard-issue sidearm. Without breaking eye contact, Nicole slowly crouches down and sets the gun down on the floor, rising to her feet again equally slowly. Narrowing her eyes slightly, Waverly allows Nicole to wrap her hand around the barrel of the gun and remove it from her hands, and as she leans it up against the stairs Waverly’s entire body stiffens.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are y-you…real?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The question is barely louder than a whisper.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of <em> course </em> I’m real,” Nicole says, choking on the emotion that’s rising in her throat. She tries to take a few steps forward, to close the gap between them and reassure Waverly with her touch, but Waverly lets out a strangled scream.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em><strong>DON’T!</strong> </em> I don’t…I don’t want to hurt you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You won’t.” Nicole slowly moves closer to the other woman as she talks. “I promise, you won’t. It’s okay…<em> you’re </em> okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her knees go weak and Waverly nearly collapses into Nicole’s arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> It’s all real. You’re home. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s all she can do to keep her sobs from turning into outright screams as reality comes crashing back down around her and Waverly realizes what she nearly did. She allows Nicole to lift her off the ground, wrapping her legs around the taller woman’s waist.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That smell. <em> Her </em>smell—vanilla, not hellfire—is the last thing Waverly needs to land herself fully back in the present.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nicole carries her slowly up the stairs, repeating quiet affirmations that remind Waverly that she’s real, she’s home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But still, she’s scared. <em> So </em>scared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry,” Waverly repeats over and over, her face buried in Nicole’s neck. “Please don’t send me away…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now, why would I do that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nicole sits down on Waverly’s bed, but Waverly doesn’t untangle herself. Instead, she grips a fistful of Nicole’s uniform shirt, quite literally clinging to reality. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They sent Mama away…then Wynonna…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The difference between them and me,” Nicole murmurs, cradling Waverly’s head close, “is that they didn’t know what I do. You’re <em> not </em> crazy,” she says firmly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s becoming clearer and clearer to Nicole what exactly is going on…or at least as clear as it can be to someone who wasn’t actually there. Of course she has questions, thousands of them, but what Waverly needs right now is…reassurance. Grounding. <em> Comfort</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you so much,” Nicole murmurs. “You’re <em> so </em> strong, you know that? I know it’s hard right now, but me and Wynonna…we just want to help you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Waverly holds on to Nicole for dear life, and Nicole doesn’t make any moves to untangle herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> This is real. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> She’s real. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> You’re safe. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wynonna comes home with dinner, as promised, but nearly drops their Chinese food all over the floor when she walks through the front door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Waverly’s shotgun is on the floor beside Nicole’s duty weapon, like there’s been some sort of confrontation. As Wynonna listens closely, she can hear the faint, but unmistakable sound of her baby sister sobbing coming from somewhere upstairs. She sets the food down on the kitchen table before quietly ascending the stairs, not sure what she’s going to find at the top.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she peers into Waverly’s bedroom, Wynonna is greeted by the sight of her sister and Nicole perched on the edge of the bed. Waverly’s back is to her, her arms and legs wrapped tightly around Nicole, who looks up when she hears Wynonna approach and motions for her to come join them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Baby, Wynonna’s here,” Nicole murmurs softly as Wynonna sits down beside them. “I promise, we’re not going to hurt you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course not,” Wynonna adds quietly, even though it’s obvious she’s missing some context. “Baby girl, we just want you to feel safe. I brought dinner, why don’t you come downstairs and eat?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wynonna finds some old sitcom reruns on TV, and the tension of the evening begins to dissipate when they finally hear Waverly <em> laugh</em>. She laughs and she cracks jokes and Wynonna is able to <em> breathe</em>, at least for a minute.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nicole decides that she’s going to stay at the homestead, but on the couch. She makes herself comfortable, but very quickly finds that sleep eludes her. The sounds of tossing and turning from her bedroom indicate to Nicole that Wynonna is also having a hard time sleeping.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wynonna?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nicole gently raps on the frame, and pulls back the curtain that serves as a door once Wynonna grunts “whatever.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think we should…talk. About today,” Nicole says softly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wynonna rolls over and turns on the lamp beside her bed, flooding the room with light.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yup, we should.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nicole sinks down on the foot of Wynonna’s bed, crossing her legs beneath her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, uh…I saw the <em> guns</em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clearly, Wynonna doesn’t intend to beat around the bush, and Nicole is surprised when she feels a mess of emotions rise up in her chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did she…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nicole nods. “I opened the front door to a shotgun in my face. Wynonna, she thought I was a <em> revenant</em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jesus,” Wynonna sighs. “I’m sorry about that. Really.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You mentioned last night…a knife?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Wynonna says quietly. “She was mumbling about something ‘not being real,’ then pulled a knife on me outta nowhere and went out to the barn.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wynonna, what has Doc told you about their time…away?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wynonna sighs and examines her cuticles intently as she answers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He hasn’t talked all that much, really,” she says with a roll of her eyes. “But he said there was a lot of…’paranormal shenanigans,” she added in her best impression of Doc.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, but…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He got drunk the other night and talked about it a little more. Said something about the garden making him live his worst fears and then he got all…twitchy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But he hasn’t been acting like…this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wynonna shakes her head. “Not even <em> close</em>. But I think Waverly might have gotten the worst of it. Whatever ‘it’ was.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She’s probably right. It was, after all, Waverly who had gone in against her will. It was <em> Waverly </em> whose genes were quite literally tied to the garden.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She asked me if I was real.” Nicole’s voice cracks slightly. “She was aiming a shotgun in my face, and she asked if I was <em> real </em>. And then she just kind of…fell apart.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Jesus…</em>” Wynonna sighed. “What do we <em> do? </em>”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I mean, obviously we have to talk to her,” Nicole says matter-of-factly. “We can’t help her if we don’t know what’s going on in her head.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whatever happens, I am <em> not </em> shipping my baby sister off to the mental hospital,” Wynonna says quickly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Jesus</em>, no!” Nicole exclaims. “She probably needs us to be patient. Understanding. She seemed really scared,” Nicole muses quietly. “And <em> I </em> was scared. Wynonna, I don’t want to be <em> scared </em> of her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’ll be okay,” Wynonna says firmly, reaching out and grabbing Nicole’s hand. “At least this time we <em> know </em> she’s all Waverly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nicole looks into her best friend’s piercing eyes, and can see that behind her confident tone, she’s scared too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***<br/><em>Watch me, I'm falling</em><br/><em>Maybe the falling</em><br/><em>Isn't so bad after all</em><br/><em>Isn't so bad after all</em><br/><em>Watch me, I'm falling</em><br/><em>Watch me, I'm flying</em><br/><em>Somehow surviving</em></p>
<p>***</p>
<p><br/>Waverly’s head is killing her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The early morning light streaming in through her window feels like someone is driving a spike directly through her brain, and as she wakes up properly images of the day before flood her mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Shit… </em>”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She can’t face Wynonna after yesterday.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Can’t face <em> Nicole</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Frankly, she wouldn’t be surprised if Nicole never wanted to speak to her again, despite all her reassurances.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Slowly, Waverly rolls out of bed and perches on the edge, pausing to take deep breaths through the pounding in her head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was this her life now? Pulling weapons on the people she loves most, not sure if she can trust what she’s seeing in front of her?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She’s never felt less sane in her entire life, not even when there was a tentacle demon trying to take her over forever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A soft knock startles her, and she turns around to see Nicole, looking disheveled and sleep-deprived, leaning in the doorway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wynonna’s still passed out downstairs, but I thought you might be awake. Can I…come in?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course,” Waverly says softly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The redhead takes it upon herself to crawl across to Waverly’s side of the bed, coming to rest on her knees behind the smaller woman. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“About last night—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Nicole says gently. “Just…sit with me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nicole drops a gentle kiss on the side of Waverly’s neck before resting her chin on her shoulder. She runs her hands up and down over Waverly’s biceps in a slow, comforting motion, and Waverly sighs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do you not hate me right now?” She asks quietly. “After what I did?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sweetie, that wasn’t your fault,” Nicole says. “It wasn’t…<em> you.</em>”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But it was. And I could have hurt you, or Wynonna…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’re fine. <em> All </em> of us. Wynonna and I just want to help you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Waverly leans back into Nicole’s arms and breathes her in. The redhead’s embrace radiates safety and security, a constant grounding presence. She grips her sheets in one hand, taking note of the way the soft fabric slides between her fingers, not sure she trusts herself to touch Nicole.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Help me understand,” Nicole murmurs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If I tell you…” Waverly begins cautiously. “You’ll believe me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Waves, this isn’t anything like what happened when you were a kid. We <em> know </em> what you went through was real and painful, and did I mention <em> real?” </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It was real, but Nicole, it feels like I’m losing my mind!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s like the floodgates burst open, and Waverly tells Nicole everything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The mind games.</p>
<p>The psychological confusion.</p>
<p>The near-constant shifting of reality that repeatedly lulled her into a false sense of security before turning violently against her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It keeps happening,” Waverly says. “Suddenly it’s like something…snaps off in my head, and I can’t tell…” Her voice trails off, but Nicole thinks she understands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can’t tell what’s real?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Waverly nods, and Nicole sees her eyes fill with tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is there anything in particular that triggers it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing,” Waverly says, her voice breaking. “And I’m so scared that I’ll hurt you or Wynonna…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You won’t,” Nicole says gently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But we don’t <em> know </em> that! <em> ” </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We <em> do,</em>” Nicole says. “Because I don’t think this is forever.” She takes Waverly’s face in her hands, smoothing her thumbs across the apples of Waverly’s cheeks. “What was it last night? What brought you back?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It was…<em> you</em>,” Waverly murmurs. “Back in the garden…you never smelled like yourself. <span>Never vanilla-dipped donuts, only…hell.</span>”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In spite of the gravity of the situation, Nicole grins as Waverly’s face flushes bright pink.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We’ll figure this out, I promise.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>She's real.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're home.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's gonna be okay.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For the love of god, please <a href="https://twitter.com/unsaltysaltines">come yell at me on Twitter.</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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